As most of you are probably aware by this point, my roommate and I moved to a new apartment in August. It’s amazing. It has a pool. And we have separate bathrooms (PRAISE JESUS!).
Though one downside to the new apartment is the type of people this place seems to attract. That’s right. I’m again talking about douche bags. What else? We all know douche bags like nice things (or what they perceive to be) and like to be seen as such. So like a ‘roided up moth to an Affliction tee flame, they have apparently flocked to Eagle point.
At any given moment you can go to the pool and just smell the douchebaggery emitting from their sweat glands. Though, they are strangely absent from the “Fitness Center” provided to the residents. But, upon further examination, there is a really explanation for this. They only provide cardio machines. No free weights. No bench press. Now it all makes sense. We all know they live and die to make their arms as outrageously ill proportioned to their body as possible. They want to look like Ethiopian kids carrying around hams in their arms.
Now what really set me off happened the other evening. I was coming home late from work. It was around 12:30 in the morning. And I pulled into the parking lot I saw a gaggle o’ douches (a term meaning “a large group of douche bags gathered in a small area”) standing in the parking lot. In the middle of the road. Now, a normal human being with a hint of brain function would think, “Oh, someone’s trying to get through, I should step aside.” But this apparently was not something that these people had the ability to process. So I sat there in my car, apparently unwittingly engaged in staring contest.
This went on for a solid 30 seconds before one of them had a light bulb moment and decided to move. The gaggle, apparently sensing something going on around them, followed his lead and I was finally allowed to pass. The last time something like this happened to me, it was with a heard of cattle.
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