LONG TIME NO ANGER!

As most of you are probably aware by this point, my roommate and I moved to a new apartment in August. It’s amazing. It has a pool. And we have separate bathrooms (PRAISE JESUS!).

Though one downside to the new apartment is the type of people this place seems to attract. That’s right. I’m again talking about douche bags. What else? We all know douche bags like nice things (or what they perceive to be) and like to be seen as such. So like a ‘roided up moth to an Affliction tee flame, they have apparently flocked to Eagle point.

At any given moment you can go to the pool and just smell the douchebaggery emitting from their sweat glands. Though, they are strangely absent from the “Fitness Center” provided to the residents. But, upon further examination, there is a really explanation for this. They only provide cardio machines. No free weights. No bench press. Now it all makes sense. We all know they live and die to make their arms as outrageously ill proportioned to their body as possible.  They want to look like Ethiopian kids carrying around hams in their arms.

Now what really set me off happened the other evening. I was coming home late from work. It was around 12:30 in the morning. And I pulled into the parking lot I saw a gaggle o’ douches (a term meaning “a large group of douche bags gathered in a small area”) standing in the parking lot. In the middle of the road. Now, a normal human being with a hint of brain function would think, “Oh, someone’s trying to get through, I should step aside.” But this apparently was not something that these people had the ability to process. So I sat there in my car, apparently unwittingly engaged in staring contest.

This went on for a solid 30 seconds before one of them had a light bulb moment and decided to move. The gaggle, apparently sensing something going on around them, followed his lead and I was finally allowed to pass. The last time something like this happened to me, it was with a heard of cattle.

I hope to be posting more often when school starts, as campus is where I get most of ideas. Thanks for reading! 

Fucked up weather and the douche bag stroll! (And old dads trying to act young)

So, today in Cheney, it is literally raining cougars and hell hounds. My hair was in its normal up-do, and by the time I made it class I looked like Gomer Pyle. And besides the hurricane force winds, I missed my first class of the day (I even did the reading last night and I NEVER do the reading!). I'm positive I need a new mattress. Cause I feel like a turd every morning. My whole body aches like someone took a hammer to me while I was sleeping... Sara....

But! On to the REAL purpose for this post (besides demands from my adoring fans... heh...), as is often the case, douche bags! Douche bags abound on a college campus. So many young males thinking they are the cock of the walk... or more than likely, just a cock. Strolling into class late with your baggy sweatpants, baseball hat, and aviators (a staple in the douche bag wardrobe).

News flash asshole! YOU'RE IN A WELL LIT BUILDING! AND ITS DARKER THAN A COAL MINERS ASS OUTSIDE RIGHT NOW! WTF MAN!?

That may help you get a slutty sorority girl in the short term, but in long run you are going to end up alone and with a beer belly cause you're still an ass hole and now officially an alcoholic. Congratulations!

Also, at work recently, I have noticed a really shocking trend. There are a lot of young parents out there these days. I get it. BUT! You are still a parent! It's time to start acting and looking like one. Not a hoodlum off the street. Take the gauge out of your ears, comb your hair, and stop wearing Affliction shirts. The only thing you are afflicted with at this moment is being a tool. GROW UP!

Thanks for reading! Until next time!

Sunglasses at night, smokers in my face, and a trifecta of douches

First blog post in a LONG while! Needless to say, I have been very busy with life and, generally, have not had so many things bothering me lately. BUT! Never fear! These last two weeks I have been extremely sensitive to bullshit around me, and I am ready to let loose like a bomb on some Nazis!

1. First! Sunglasses at night. I have been seeing ALOT lately. It seems douches all around Cheney have put away their winter garb and grabbed their compensating Oakley glasses to match their pickup trucks. I just don't understand this. I have a hard enough seeing at night with my eyes alone. I couldn't even imagine wearing sunglasses at night. I am sure I would kill someone. Or worse, stub my toe.

2. Smokers on campus! I recently read an article in a Easterner newspaper about trying to ban smoking on campus and I SAY DO IT! I can't even count the times I have been walking behind someone who decides to light one up and I end up walking behind freight train in disguise sucking in their second hand fart breath smoke. I'm sick of it. Who cares if you have to walk off campus to light up? Its gross and unhealthy. Might as well be PORN! Which, coincidently, is not allowed on campus or within 1000 feet of schools and churches. Sounds like a good idea to me...

3. The trifecta of douches! This would be three guys at the Owl City concert last week that were ALL wearing their sunglasses inside and getting WAY to into the music. Its electronica, not gansta rap you assholes. Clam down. And then one of them took credit for some flowers a little 13 year old boy brought for the opening girl LIGHTS. WHAT DOUCHE! I hope he burns in hell, because I'm pretty sure he just broke like 3 of the 10 Commandments.

4. SOCKS WITH FLIP FLOPS! Okay... so when my 70 year old grandparents do this... I can't complain. They are almost senile and have earned the right to wear whatever the hell they damn well want. But... COLLEGE STUDENTS? For the love of the Lord, please STOP. You look like a damn fool! This has never been acceptable, NOR WILL IT EVER BE! End the madness. Only you can prevent terrible acts of fashion.

Well, thats it for now! Hope to write soon! Thanks for reading!

Hockey Boys (and sweeping generalizations)

The title says it. I'm just gonna cut the crap on this one. Hockey boys are STUPID! (No offense to any that may be reading this, but if you are, lets be honest, you are too stupid to realize I am making fun of you.) I have yet to meet one who has a brain bigger than Lance Armstrongs one nut.

I am talking about this because there are two kids in my english class that are on the Eastern hockey team. And they are the most retarded unretarded human beings I have ever laid eyes on. There are SO many things wrong with them, that I feel the need to start a list:

1. They think they are comedians. WHICH THEY MOST CERTAINLY ARE NOT! I have yet to hear anything out of their mouths that is remotely funny or even interesting. Mostly just annoying.

2. They smell. No kidding. This is not speculation or me just wishing they smelled bad to make me feel better about doing this. They honest to God smell like a pile of horse manure. Take a damn shower you idiots! We are WAY past this "We don't need deodorant" pre-teen thing. We are adults. We SHOWER now you f**k heads.

3. One of them is writing their research essay on kids that disrupt classes in school........... AM I MISSING SOMETHING HERE?! Is this some sort of sick ironic joke, that you are one of the assholes that disrupt the class with mindless shit that flows out of your mouth?

4. They are ugly. One of them looks like Tyler Wood. Nuf said. This is not me being judgmental, this is merely an observation. Seriously. They both look like they have been beat in the face with an ugly sick once or twice.... or 10 times.

The items listed above seem to be a general requirement for hockey players. I have yet to meet one that wasn't completely illiterate or a douche.

Thanks for reading! Until next time!

Douche bags! (Let's get this one over with shall we?)

An Introduction:


As I sit here in my Mass Media class (which is basically a load of bull...) I can't help but be reminded of and irritated by what most us know as the common douche bag.  Here is the Urban Dictionary definition for ya'll: 
A person that is a total moron and doesn't think before he/she speaks or acts or one with an undescribeable idiocy, hence stupidity, poor idea of what's cool, possibly an arrogance about them or one with an intolerable personality.


I am reminded of this because there are two sitting right in front of me. As I sp...type. Literally, I could reach out and smack them both right now. Of course, walking around on a college campus all day, these are not the only animals of this species I run into.


How to spot a douche:


You see them everywhere! Grocery stores, movie theaters, gas stations, but, most of all, PARKING LOTS. Little known fact of the douche bag is that they LOVE to hang out in parking lots next to their cars. This in turn makes theirs cars a large accessory to their duchebagery. The common douche car has a small sporty car or any size of a truck (go check out the Freeman parking lot and people driving them *eyebrow raise*). Because no matter what the size of the truck, although deep down they would all like a BIGGER truck but would never admit they feel their truck is inadequate, they will all try to make as "manly" as possible. Things like adding a CB radio or putting a huge "Skin" sticker with the naked lady in your back window (cause THAT makes you man apparently, not the fact that you have a penis or the Y chromosome).


Another tell tale sign of a douche bag is his arrogance. They are so confident they would probably fart in your presence and try to convince you it smells like a summer breeze. Case in point! The kid in front of me, last week, did this thing where you stretch your arms up and then out to the side. When he got to the side, he made the move like he was going to put his arm around the girl next to him (who has a boyfriend by the way!), but pulled out the last minute and proceeded to turn around and GIGGLE with his friend who just watched him do this. How else do you explain an action like this? You can't.


What we can do about it:


STOP being nice to these people! The reason they continue to be the way they are? Because no one tells them to stop! They are so unaware of the world around them, how else would they know they are tools?!  And it can't just be one or two people either otherwise the effect intended will not sink it. This has to be a 100% group effort. It's kinda like how you hear someone say something about you in the hallway in high school. It's just one person. Who gives a rip? But what happens when its EVERY person the hallway? You have a problem that needs to be fixed. SO, we all need to bad to together! Put the douches of the world in their place (and Freeman was and IS CRAWLING with them, so you definitely have a place to start)!  Join me, my fellow douche haters! 


VIVA LA REVOLUTION!